So Dave is away in Wellington for 11 days completing a project that’s been ongoing for about a year I think, resulting in many trips back and forth. Now is probably NOT the best time to be writing this as we were FB messaging this morning and he was grumbling about work so I called him to make sure everything was ok, turns out he was still in bed and hungover. What in the actual fuck! Excuse me while I go and wipe your kids snotty nose, clean chili sauce off the carpet after Nix decided to try his hand at abstract art at 8.15 this morning and try not to cry about the smashed bottle of $140 Murad skincare I discovered after Ethan was finished in the bathroom this morning! Woe. Is. You Me.
Moving on lol.
I was invited to attend the Women’s Wellness in NZ event on Sunday hosted by Makaia Carr and Julia & Libby. I SO wanted to go but with Dave away and Mum up north I was a bit stuck. E dislocated and broke his toe in a rugby tourney on Thursday (read, we were at the ER until midnight on Thursday night, sigh) so was a bit hobbly and precious and Nixon, well, usual state of affairs there – chaos.
So, I did the unthinkable for me. I asked for help. I find this so hard to do. I sat on the texts for ages, willing myself to hit send and when I finally did the first reply was a negative. Wahhhhh! I tried again and success. Nixon was all set to spend the morning with his cousin and Ethan was off to nerd out at a friends house.
It was a swift morning hustle, the usual morning routine combined with me trying to look presentable and depart the house by 9.15. On a Sunday. We did it without any kid/mummy rage and I headed east to dispatch Child #1 and then south to deliver Nixon.
When I finally got on the motorway I was overcome with IT, a sickening case of Mummy Guilt. Why had I said yes to attending? Why had I rushed the kids out of the house on a Sunday? Why had I bothered running in 3 different directions when we could be all together, cozy and relaxing? Major fretting ensued, then I woke up and gave myself a good mental slap.
I said yes to Mak’s invite because I knew I needed to go. Catching some fleeting time by yourself when your partner is away is hard. Even the drive to the event was relaxing without the boys yelling and screaming in the car! I had rushed the kids out of the house because we all needed to get out of the house – without making the beds, with dirty dishes on the bench and with laundry on the floor. We/I needed to say, who cares? I dropped the kids off with two different people because I asked for help. And that was totally ok.
I know it was ok because when people ask me for help (and they do ALL the time, every day) I say yes. I don’t think twice I just say yes. You know that old adage, “it takes a village”? Well it does, and I need to remember to knock on more doors in my village and say “please, my turn. Can you help?”.
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Sep 22, 2015 1:40 pm
I don’t have children yet but I found your ‘mummy guilt’ comment really interesting – I’ve been to a few events for career women lately and it comes up a lot. I have to say though…good on you for asking for help! I often help my friends out with their kids, either driving them around or looking after them and it’s never a big deal – ask for help more often!
Sep 25, 2015 1:32 am
Well done you – So happy you had a good day and feeling it! Help is our friend x
Sep 29, 2015 12:51 pm
I don’t have children either and I feel really said when mum’s and dad’s have to justify (to others or themselves) their need for time to themselves to do something that they want to do. Will the kids have long-term trauma after being rushed out of the house so mum can do something? I doubt it 🙂
Sometimes you do just need to ask for help and even though the first (and even the second) answer might be “no” you can normally find someone who can help. The real tragedy is probably not asking at all. 🙂
xx