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My Top 5 Tips for ‘Getting Your Groove Back’

November 11, 2015
By: Melissa

The Sunday after the Rugby World Cup final my body hit a wall. Two weekends with late nights + 4am starts had left me struggling come Monday and starting the week off feeling sub-par is SO not a habit I’m keen on continuing. Many things have contributed to the general feeling of ‘blah’ that has taken hold of my body lately;

Late nights writing/not writing, watching Netflix, leaving bedtime routines until 11.30 (!!)
A pervasive and circular habit of ‘business’ (it’s totally on-trend to hate that word right now isn’t it? But I’m stumped for how to avoid it)
A constant state of dehydration
Too much alcohol – fluid, but not the RIGHT kind lol
STRESS – and not managing it
All of the above contributing to poor food choices.

Five days ago I said enough was enough and began putting some ‘Melissa Systems’ in place to change the way my body feels. This is not about losing weight or getting ‘bikini ready’ (yawn), this was simply an exercise in wanting to wake up each morning feeling freaking awesome. Who doesn’t want that?

How I’m Getting My Groove Back

1. Start the day as you mean to continue

Not enough hours in the day? Get out of bed an hour earlier and devote some quiet time to that which is lacking. It could be exercise, writing, meditating, reading……..Whatever you do in this time try and maintain focus. Put your phone away and make the most of this ‘extra’ hour you’re carving out, just for you!

2. Implement a ‘Healthful’ new routine

You may have seen the image above on Instagram last week, but what a way to kick off your morning! 500ml of water with the juice of half a lemon, a kick-ass smoothie, a black coffee and a wicked Women’s Multi from Healtheries to make sure I stay charged throughout the day. After taking daily multi’s religiously pre-kids, I’d honestly forgotten to include them in my daily self-care routine over the past few years. 5 days in and I’m feeling so much better for it. Healtheries One-A-Day Multis contain high potency B Vitamins and Siberian Gingseng to support energy and vitality, NZ Marine Collagen to help maintain healthy looking skin and key immune supporting antioxidants such as Vitamin C, D3 and E, Betacarotene, Selenium, Iron and Zinc to support healthy immunity. Heck yes!

3. Kick those bad habits to the curb

Take a good, hard look at what could be holding you back from feeling 100%. For me it was alcohol. Daily indulging in a glass or two of wine was becoming far too habitual and wrecking havoc with my body. I’ve decided Sun-Thurs will now be alcohol-free days, with moderation and good judgement in charge of Friday and Saturday lol!

4. Proactively deal with Stress

My stress levels rise when I feel a lack of control. I feel lacking in control when I have too much work/blogging to do. I need to learn to say no and to block out portions of my day to dedicate to work, rather than phaffing about and writing a bit here and there.

5. Realign your priorities and your purpose

Constantly riding the rollercoaster of ‘busy’ can result in your priorities getting totally out of whack. My family comes first, blogging/work comes second. Realigning those two allows me to focus on the purpose and motivation behind why I write, and my work improves as a result. Don’t slack on this one! Getting lost in your head or heading down the rabbit hole of social media is a massive distraction but all it does is negatively turn your focus outward, onto others. Bring it all back to you and yours and expend your energy close to home xx

I’m super fortunate that Dave is my biggest champion and cheerleader and is always on board with trying to make positive changes in our life. He’s my running coach and motivator but also a driving force in our family’s nutritional choices. He has also been reaping the benefits of adding a Multi to his morning routine this week – the Healtheries Men’s Multi One-A-Day is specifically formulated for male nutritional needs and requirements. Containing high potency B vitamins and ginseng to support stamina and performance plus essential antioxidant minerals such as selenium and zinc and tribulus to support immunity and sexual health.

Join me by tweaking a few key parts of your day to make for better seasons ahead, I’d love to hear some of your tips – leave me a comment below! Find out more information at www.healtheries.co.nz

Some Days There’s Shit on the Carpet before 8am

November 4, 2015
By: Melissa

6.38pm. I’ve just had a coffee. And to be honest, I’d kinda like another one.

This morning, in the throes of the school/kindy departure I discovered the wet patch was back. This pesky spot on the floor that we just can’t find the source of. Husband in all his wisdom decided it was best for him to bring the (dripping wet :::grrrr:::) ladder in from outside then and there and ascend into the roof space to see what he could see.

Our wet spot is smack bang in the middle of the thoroughfare which connects the kitchen to the bedrooms. A busy place for a ladder so early in the morning (:::grrrr::::).

So began a chain reaction; Nixon started freaking out because Dad – his BFF – was out of eyesight and up the ladder I wasn’t allowing him to climb. Ethan was taking full advantage of both his parents being distracted and was doing absolutely nothing to get ready for school – which angered me even more than Dave’s insistence that there was absolutely no leaks in the roof – so where the eff is the damn water coming from?, so frustrating! Dave eventually came down and with a rush and a roar returned the ladder outside, stepped in dog shit and reentered the house with his shoes on.

Can you see where I’m going with this?????

No worries, Dave whipped off his shoes, got the carpet cleaner, attended to the pooh/floor mash-up, left the pooh-shoes right there, INSIDE, left the carpet cleaner spray bottle right there, ON THE FLOOR, where Nixon found it and began to spray it all over the lounge furniture, the hard flooring and the coffee table.

FML people, it’s 7.37am!!!

I was finally ushering them out the door when Ethan ran back inside to get the PE gear I had reminded him to pack multiple times the night before, Nixon fussing and flipping out because he wanted to be driven to kindy in ‘Mummy’s truck’ not ‘Daddy’s car’ which wasn’t an option as my truck was blocked in.

FML people, it’s 8.00am!!!

And breathe. It was a difficult morning and it did take me a while to shake it off. Every single one of us has shit-on-the-carpet mornings, I know because you tell me about yours on Instagram, on Facebook, on Twitter. We commiserate with each other, send virtual hugs and virtual wine, and on weeks like this where I’m trying to abstain from the real deal, your virtual wine means a lot! We also talk about our muffin-tops, our struggles with self-love, with our skin, with money, with our relationships, with our dastardly kids. We value social media for the community it provides us.

Community? Friends?

Yes. And those friends? They’re real. Sometimes more real than those you have to drag yourself to visit IRL (in real life) out of obligation – the worst feeling in the world as far as I’m concerned.

So, anyway. Thanks.

Thanks for being my social media friends, for liking my IG’s of face lotion, chocolate and #hellonixon, for clicking over to my blog and reading my posts, I know there’s been some ‘substance’ lacking lately but I’m working on it I promise xx

Daily Look | We’re doing it. This life thing.

October 27, 2015
By: Melissa

Somehow or other, it’s all working out.

Today, after quite a lovely, sunny weekend filled with friends and fun I hauled ass.

I hustled through a 5k, 2 loads of laundry, ALL the beds made, a writing deadline met, 3 GST returns completed, a walk with Nixie and the dogs, general tidying and lots of playtime with my little guy. I kicked ass today.

Sometimes you don’t know how the hell you’re going to get it all done, but two coffees later it just falls in to place and you fall into bed at 11.30pm. Tired but happy.

Maybe I’ll get to those emails tomorrow, but who’s going to fire me if I don’t right?

10 Months of Running | Join Me for the Skechers Women’s 6k and win!

October 26, 2015
By: Melissa

I know not everyone has aspirations to be a runner, but I always, always have. I was pretty good at a few sports growing up and fair to middling at the rest. I gave everything a go and joined every sports team there was on offer at school. But I was never a runner. Cross country days hurt me, deep down in my young soul. God I hated them.

So I cannot really explain what happened last December, 2 days before Christmas, when I put on some sneakers and decided to run. It really was as simple as that.

I’ve written about it before (here) so I won’t elaborate too much, but over the past 10 months I’ve increased my distance, improved my pace and settled into running in a way I had never imagined I would. I have gone from struggling to run 1km to where I’m at now, which is comfortably running 5km in under 30 minutes.

I’m proud of that. It’s no Olympic time, but it’s an excellent Melissa time.

How I learned how to run 5km

So December 2014. No running. 23rd December 2014, I power walked 4km and ran 1km at the end.

This was honestly the hardest kilometre I’ve ever completed in my life. And I barely made it to be honest. I wasn’t prepared for how uncomfortable, wobbly, jiggly and out of breath I would feel. I was self-conscious and full of negative self-talk.

But I was secretly pretty stoked I did it.

I did this walk/run combo 3 0r 4 more times. Then I increased the running distance to 1.5 km and followed the same pattern. Repeating the increased increment 3 or 4 times before adding another half km onto the running distance, always working within the 5km parameter – I think this was a big mental milestone for me!

I took it slowly and after a couple of months, I made it to 5km.

I COULD RUN 5 FREAKING KILOMETRES!!!! Huge milestone for me. To be honest, I haven’t progressed much further distance wise since. I’ve hit 7km a couple of times when I was pushing hard, but I really love the short sharp burst that a good 5km gives me.

But. Next month, on the 15th of November, I’m running the Skechers Women’s 6k in Auckland. My friend Penny from Little Housewife and I had been discussing doing a run or race together and there were heaps of reasons why we decided to choose the Skechers event;

6k is a great distance which suits all levels. Trust me, this is a totally achievable distance for either walkers or runners – and you can do either, it doesn’t matter!
The course is flat. Flat as a pancake. Along the waterfront in Auckland in lush, pre-summer November, perfectly scheduled for all of our ‘get fit for summer’ resolutions!
Everyone gets a goody bag!
There are amazing prizes to be won on the day such as a trip to Hawaii for the best dressed trio and a brand new Mazda!

So, what do you think? Ready to give it a go with us? Online registrations close 13 November and Penny assures me this is such a fun event – she did it last year!

Plus, Skechers have an amazing prize pack to give away to one lucky reader! Valued at over $250 it includes a pair of Skechers GOwalk 3 shoes, a Skechers Performance towel, sports-bag and drink bottle, a range of Sculpt product and a shaker, and tickets for you and a friend to attend Skechers 6k – the perfect pack to provide you with everything you need to get up and on your feet!

There are three ways to enter:

Comment below and tell me who you would invite to the event
Head over to The Best Nest on Facebook and follow the instructions on the competition image here
Enter via this image on Instagram

Competition closes 30/10/15 @ 5pm.

Shop smart | Getting Kids Tech Ready for School + Giveaway

October 23, 2015
By: Melissa

BYOD (Bring Your Own Device) is hitting our house in 2016 as Ethan heads off to Intermediate. Paying for this is probably a worry that I share with many kiwi families but don’t sweat it as I’m about to share with you my little Gem Visa secret. With 0% interest for 6 months on all purchases over $250*, Ethan’s new Chromebook ($500) will only set me back $83.33 a month (plus fees**) for repayment of my credit within the interest free period! That’s totally do-able! Here’s how easy it is …

Not going to lie, I’m pretty much a Professional Shopper by trade. I mean, no-one ‘hires‘ me to do the shopping for them……but I’ve got skills and I’m happy to share them with whomever is in need of some assistance with their retail therapy. You are welcome! ; )

I began my savvy-shopping journey at age 18 when I realised how important credit was. When I was in dire need of a shiny new thing (my first cell phone – Motorola Flipper, Sony MiniDisk player, Playstation 1……..just the bare essentials of course!) I began to look for interest free specials, purchase using HP and then save like mad and pay the finance off before the interest-free period was over. I only ever had one payment on the go at a time (this is still how I roll) and I made those zero interest specials work for me. Bam. Hello sweet, sweet credit rating. I still shop like this, preferring to keep my (husband’s) hard earned cash in the bank for as long as possible!

There are some big changes ahead for our wee family, and also some fairly sizable expenses. November, December and January see Ethan turn 11, the shopping madness of Christmas and, most importantly, Ethan finishes Primary School and will make the huge transition to Intermediate in 2016. Like everything, this comes at quite a cost. In an effort to spread the load I’ve paid the new school fees early to capitalise on this year’s rate, but yet to come is his uniform plus the purchase of a new device for him to use at school eeeek!

Before we jump in and purchase anything of value I set some clearly defined boundaries;

What are we comfortable spending? What is our max upper limit? This is good to know because in some instances spending a little more (especially when purchasing tech) can equate to a huge value add.
How are we paying? I use my Gem Visa. It’s the smart way to pay for purchases over $250 as you get 6 months interest free!*
Where are we shopping and why? For nerd/$$$ items I love to shop at Noel Leeming because: 1. FlyBuys 2. They price match. Winning. In this instance though, I’m also going to check out Warehouse Stationery as I’ll be spending over $250, so I may as well make the most of the 6 months interest free period* and add some school supplies to the purchase as well!

So to break it down;

Apply for your Gem Visa
Make a plan – budget, decide on required device etc
Visit Warehouse Stationery
Complete your purchase over $250 to lock in that awesome 6 months interest free deal!*
Set up automatic payments to avoid any interest charges – yay! You don’t have to do this at all, I just prefer to spread my repayments evenly over the 6 months interest free period : )

So, this week I’ll be talking to Ethan about what he feels comfortable transporting to and from school, I’ll be checking with the Intermediate about their tech expectations and I’ll be window shopping to see what’s out there and how much this little exercise is going to set me back! I know there are tonnes of you guys that are sending kids off to schools next year with BYOD expectations, so, join us next week, when we’ll be going shopping and finding Ethan the perfect device for the next 2 years (AT LEAST!).

Get your own kids Tech Ready and utilise Gem Visa’s awesome 6 months interest free offer on purchases over $250 by applying for your card now at www.gemvisa.co.nz. To help you out even more, I am giving one of you the chance to win $250 to spend at Warehouse Stationery*** Enter by commenting below and watch out for another chance to enter next week. Your entry is confirmation that you have read and agreed to the competition terms as stated here.

*Credit and Lending criteria, $55 establishment fee and $52 annual account fee apply. Prevailing interest rate (currently 25.45% p.a.) applies after 6 months interest free period. Gem Visa is provided by Latitude Financial Services.

**Over 6 months plus fees. Prevailing interest rate of 25.45% applies on expiry of the interest free period.

***The organiser and promoter of this competition is thebestnest.co.nz. Latitude Financial Services is not an organiser or promoter of, nor is it otherwise involved with, this competition.

Knowledge vs the Great Pink Fear + Giveaway!

October 13, 2015
By: Melissa

When I was thinking about this post, I realised that I really needed to find out what you guys think and feel about breast cancer. I asked you on my FB page and those are your words up there. It’s sobering how scared breast cancer makes ALL of us.

I know cancer. Believe me.

My Dad died from Melanoma and I was there by his side with my Mum and family for the entire 9 months from diagnosis until his passing. Dave and Ethan and I had moved into my parents house, so when I say I was THERE, I mean, really there and really present.

Like Melanoma, I find breast cancer so scary because it feels to me like there is a weight on my shoulders, an obligation to do what I can to be vigilant as I’m not yet eligible for free mammograms (these are for women 45+). I must be responsible in the sun, I must not let my kids burn, I must initiate good breast checking habits because right now I don’t have any. And that’s not going to save my life.

The unknown is scary. Not knowing what is normal and what’s not, not knowing who to call, when to make an appointment, how to ask for help.

I don’t know how to give myself a breast exam and the truth is, I don’t know why I’ve failed to learn. I’m a smart woman who only takes calculated, well-rehearsed (at least in my head!) risks. But in this instance, ignorance and keeping my head in the sand is the risk.

So I’ve asked myself these questions, but I also want you to consider them and ask your mother, your sister, your daughter, your best friend, your aunt these very same questions;

When was the last time I checked myself? Hmm, might start doing this monthly after my period, that should help me remember.
How do I check myself? It’s as easy as Touch. Look. Check. Watch this short clip here www.anychanges.co.nz
Is it time to start mammograms? If 40 or over, yes, annually.
I’ve noticed a breast change lately – when can I make an appointment to get it checked out?.
Did I miss my last mammogram? Better book one.

Breast cancer is the most common cancer in New Zealand women, affecting 3000 women every year. 8 women per day. That’s a massive statistic. These days, however, it’s highly treatable if diagnosed early.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month and The New Zealand Breast Cancer Foundation have compiled a wealth of resources to help us as women navigate this lifelong commitment to breast health awareness. Early detection is something we must all own personally and take responsibility for.

Here are Six of the Best Breast Tips to get you on track this October

Check your breasts often – this includes young women in their 20’s. It’s not always a lump – changes to the breast skin, shape, size and nipple can be a sign of breast cancer too. Look at www.anychanges.co.nz
Get any changes checked out by your GP – they should refer you on for testing.
Start having regular mammograms once you turn 40. Mammograms save lives – they can find cancer early before you feel it
Enrol for free mammograms once you turn 45 with BreastScreen Aotearoa on 0800270200. We’re so lucky to have a free screening program, which we owe to previous generations of women who died of the disease.
Don’t get complacent because your mum’s never had breast cancer. Most women with breast cancer have NO family history of the disease – so it comes as a complete shock; the upshot is that all women are at risk.
Go easy on the alcohol to reduce your risk as it’s a carcinogen. Regular exercise is also a protective factor.

What can you do to help?

Text ‘PINK’ to 4644 to donate $3 to October’s Pink Ribbon Appeal and The New Zealand Breast Cancer Foundation
Register now for the October’s pinkest walk in Christchurch – The Estée Lauder Companies Pink Star Walk and raise money to support The New Zealand Breast Cancer Foundation.

G I V E A W A Y

The beautiful team at Estée Lauder Companies have donated a gorgeous prize to help spread the word about October’s Pink Ribbon appeal. Enter via the widget below and SHARE, SHARE, SHARE this post far and wide!! One winner will receive Estée Lauder Modern Muse Fragrance + Bobbi Brown Rich Lip Color in Pop Pink valued at $217! a Rafflecopter giveaway

Our Holiday in Rarotonga | Whale Watching with Rongohiva Watersports

October 12, 2015
By: Melissa

Our last ‘organised’ excursion in Rarotonga was also the one that I had been looking forward to the most.

We had the amazingly good fortune of booking our trip during prime whale watching season – I cannot impress upon you how excited I was when I realised this! Humpback whales migrate through the Cook Islands from July through October to mate, give birth and to rest. The whole of the territorial waters of the Cook Islands are a whale sanctuary and we visited at the end of August through to September 8th.

And did we see whales?

Two days after we arrived we were on a bus back to our accommodation after spending the morning at the Saturday Markets. As we were heading out of Avarua, the main town, I saw a mama and baby humpback spouting a couple of times before the view was obscured by those damn coconut palms lol. A couple of days later we ate dinner on the beach at Black Rock and watched the sunset whilst a pod of whales swam past, all spouting and doing some tail slapping. Dave and E saw a whale breach quite close to them while they were on their fishing charter and I was insanely jealous, not going to lie!

So when it was finally time to head out with Jackie and the team from Rongohiva Watersports I was SO excited! Aside from the knowledge that I was 100% without a doubt going to cry tears of joy if I saw a humpback lol.
The Eturere, Rongohiva’s 8.5m rigid V-hull inflatable, is the most insane boat I’ve ever been on – and I know my boats believe me. Boasting twin 250 horsepower engines, I’m fairly certain this is the fastest boat in the Cook Islands! – with the best sound system and playlist. And the most comfortable seats. And the most smiley happy crew who were all so passionate about their jobs, the feeling on-board was amazing.

We decided to leave Nixon on the beach with Dave and I’m so glad we did as he has problems sitting in one spot, and the stress of wrangling him would’ve totally killed my peaceful-whale-vibes. Tara, Ethan and I sat up front and soaked in the view as we headed out of the harbour. Fate was smiling on us as I swear as we had just cleared the breakwater, not 5 minutes into our trip and we saw a humpback ahead. On cue, I cried. I’ve loved whales my whole life and finally getting to see a humpback was one off the bucket-list for me. I was so overwhelmed I barely managed to snap any pics (SO, so unlike me I know!), but I’ll never forget seeing that big, beautiful tail playfully slapping the water.

Our whale friend eventually moved on and we were treated to a little high speed fun on Eturere. It was almost incomprehensible to be going SO fast, and be so comfortable and almost gliding across the water with no bump-jolt, up-down, crash-bash. None. At. All. This was the first time I had been out in the open water surrounding Rarotonga, and though it doesn’t translate in the pictures, the clear, cobalt colour of the water is equally as breathtaking (in a different way) to the bright turquoise water in the lagoons that are normally associated with Rarotonga. Also no sea-sickness. This boat is the business people!

Let’s talk about gorgeous Jackie for a moment. She was our amazing hostess and is half of the husband and wife team who manage Rongohiva Watersports. Both Jackie (B.A.) and husband Teina (Ph.D.) are Marine Scientists and are very obviously passionate about what they do. I have never actually seen anyone smile as much as Jackie does and her warmth and joy at being out on the water is totally contagious. The crew were equally lovely, so safety conscious, funny and immensely knowledgable. These are operators that show huge respect towards the humpbacks. As soon as we spotted the whale, the Captain cut the engine and we didn’t move any closer toward the animal. It was lovely being able to take this time to ~~cry~~ watch and appreciate what we were witnessing and swoon over our beautiful surroundings.

So, we saved the best for last. I’m so, so grateful to Jackie and her wonderful crew for hosting us on an adventure I’ll never forget xx

For kids under 5, I would say whale watching is a case by case basis. My 2 year old is simply not chilled out enough to sit and enjoy the boat ride, he WILL not sit still, ever. So this was not for him unfortunately. Jackie is super helpful and kid-friendly – she’s a mum too – so chat with her about your family’s requirements if you have any questions.
Rongohiva Watersports is not just all about whale watching, they also offer speed boat + swim, banana boat and snorkel + cruise packages or contact them for charter info and package bookings.

Our Holiday in Rarotonga | Raro Reef Sub

October 3, 2015
By: Melissa

Mummy Blog new Zealand Travel Blogger rarotonga Family

Family friendly? YES. Here’s Captain Steph giving me a break from holding 16kg Nixie as he was dozing off on the sub, she’s so lovely!

When I was planning our trip to Rarotonga I couldn’t believe my eyes when I stumbled across this little gem of an adventure on the interwebs! When trying to find suitable excursions the whole family could enjoy, there was always the Nixon factor to consider. A very ~~hyper~~ busy two year old and boats don’t often bode well, but the idea of a partial sub, well, what could possibly go wrong lol.

The Raro Reef Sub is moored in Avatiu Harbour on the north-east side of Rarotonga – very easy to find and access via the buses. It’s also totally easy to spot in the marina as it’s a YELLOW SUBMARINE! We met Captain Steph, the owner/operator (read her very cool story of how she came to be in Rarotonga here) and her tour guide Luke on the wharf and after a quick orientation we headed off.

Seriously, within two minutes of motoring, the Giant Trevally were alongside the boat and putting on quite a show! These fish are insanely huge and so fast, both of the boys were spellbound. The view on deck and from the sub is equally as good in totally different ways. Seeing massive fish like this in their natural environment – from an underwater vantage point is something we’ll never forget. But up on deck Luke had a bucket of scraps that were whipping those big fish into quite a frenzy, we totally didn’t know where to look first!

We headed for the site of the 99 year old shipwreck – RMS Maitai. None of our party scuba dive so getting up close and personal with a piece of Rarotongan maritime history like this was pretty awe inspiring. The views below deck were like something from a David Attenborough doco, something I’d never ever expected to see in my lifetime, plus the commentary from both Steph and Luke was amazing. These two really know their stuff, local knowledge is definitely not lacking on this tour.

I really believe the best way to gain some perspective of the island is from the water. You spend so much time looking out at the lagoon when you’re in Raro that it’s easy to forget there is a stunning tropical landscape waiting right behind your back! In the picture below you can see the engine block from RMS Maitai as well as the surprising elevation of the island beyond.

So, Raro Reef Sub is pretty much a near perfect experience for those with young families like us or for those who want a leisurely, relaxed cruise on the water. I wouldn’t worry too much about sea sickness as she’s a pretty stable boat (trust me, I get horrendously sick and I was fine!), plus you’re really close to shore the whole time so you’re not getting buffeted around in the open water. At 1 hour 15 minutes, we found this tour the perfect amount of time for the kids to maintain their attention span. Nixon was mental, up and down the ladder constantly but that was no big deal – Luke was always there to lend a hand! Safety-wise for the kids, no worries, though Steph’s totally got an eagle eye on her passengers the entire time which I really appreciated.

Raro Reef Sub is a lovely relaxed outing in a smaller group than some other operations which makes the whole experience more personal, peaceful and informative. Loved it, a very special way to see Rarotonga that shouldn’t be missed!

Travelling for work: Tips to help kids when they’re missing Mummy or Daddy

September 25, 2015
By: Melissa

Dave returns today from an 11 day work trip and lord that plane can’t get to Auckland soon enough. I find it super hard to parent without Dave as he’s the steady, stable half and I’m the emotionally fractious one who struggles to hold her shit together! The boys seem to get on with daily life without Dave but despite the volume being lowered somewhat in the house (always a welcome change imo!), there are many notable points throughout the day where we all miss Daddy.

Nixon is now 2.2 and this is the first trip when he’s actually shown interest in chatting to Dave on the phone. This helps of course, but is doesn’t assuage the never-ending questions;

Where’s Daddy?

Where’s Wellington?

Daddy in Nu Ziland?

Daddy on a plane?

You get the picture.

Ethan who’s almost 11 tends to miss the things he does with his Dad, so he’s been dreaming up elaborate fishing trips and getting his tackle box ready because as soon as his Dad walks through the door there’s a HUGE agenda waiting lol. Roll back three years to when Dave was in Europe for 6 weeks and things were a wee bit different. Ethan didn’t articulate it so much as show us in his behaviour and emotional outbursts, how much he was struggling with his Dad’s absence. It took us weeks to get my young man back on an even keel once Dave returned home, travel weary and with lots of laundry!

So, when Maria from Happy Mum, Happy Child asked me if I had any ideas to help her 3 yo daughter deal with increasing separation anxiety when her Dad travels, I put my thinking cap on and came up with some easy to implement tips.

5 Tips to Help Kids When They’re Missing Mummy or Daddy

Make the absence visible

Missing Mum, Dad or a significant other caregiver isn’t something to be brushed off and glossed over. Acknowledge how little ones are going to feel and give them tools to cope. Make the time away something tangible that they can see and measure by printing out a blank calendar page like this one and marking the number of days until Mum/Dad return. Combine this with a big goofy picture of ~~the damn parent that gets to escape from the house~~ your other half and you’ve got yourself a DIY shrine to your significant other! Just what you always wanted lol.

Give Little an Important task to do

Creating a ‘responsibility’ will initiate purpose and a little distraction. If Dad has a ‘very special’ task that he normally does, like feeding the dog, enlist your Little Guy to take over this job, emphasizing that we must ‘soldier on’ and all pitch in without Daddy…….I know, I know lol. If this is out of the question try entrusting a very ‘special’ item belonging to Travelling Mum/Dad into the care of your little person.

Ooohh, look, there’s mail for you!

A short, pre-written daily note from Mum/Dad ‘arriving’ in the mailbox could be just the ticket to getting through each day. Keeping the travelling parent front and foremost in Little’s mind really is key I think. This way they are less likely to experience sudden pangs of ‘OMG I miss …….. so much!’.

Use Technology

Make use of the myriad ways we can use technology to keep in touch. Send texts, pxt, FB messages, emails to the travelling partner, use IG, Skype, Facetime and let your Little take the lead here. Help them to make a list of three things to tell Mum/Dad about their day at kindy or school and encourage your partner to tell them 3 interesting things about the place they’re working. Familiarity with what each other is doing will help to minimise the ‘strangeness’ of someone being away.

Plan Something to Look Forward To

Make homecoming a double whammy. When Dave arrived home from 6 weeks in Europe, 7 year old Ethan was sure that what Daddy would want most in the world was a disco. In our lounge. So ::sigh:: we shopped for disco snacks, made a playlist of all of ~~Ethan’s~~ Dave’s fave Katy Perry songs, we pulled the blinds and my jet lagged husband had a cracking time limbo-ing and eating Twisties. Kids LOVE this shit, plus it will give them something to focus on and plan, rather than fretting about missing their Mum/Dad constantly.

Somedays will be rough, I guarantee it. Maybe most days if I’m being completely honest. When your routine changes in a household due to one parent travelling, take liberties, run with it! I order Ethan a Pita Pit for lunch now and then when his dad’s away, we eat breakfast for dinner and we have Fish ‘n Chips! – Dave hates all of these things so we pony up and make the most of our time sans Dad.

Good luck Mama’s, and if all else fails, there’s the TV, YouTube and wine xx

I had Mummy Guilt…….then I let that shit go

September 22, 2015
By: Melissa

So Dave is away in Wellington for 11 days completing a project that’s been ongoing for about a year I think, resulting in many trips back and forth. Now is probably NOT the best time to be writing this as we were FB messaging this morning and he was grumbling about work so I called him to make sure everything was ok, turns out he was still in bed and hungover. What in the actual fuck! Excuse me while I go and wipe your kids snotty nose, clean chili sauce off the carpet after Nix decided to try his hand at abstract art at 8.15 this morning and try not to cry about the smashed bottle of $140 Murad skincare I discovered after Ethan was finished in the bathroom this morning! Woe. Is. ~~You~~ Me.

Moving on lol.

I was invited to attend the Women’s Wellness in NZ event on Sunday hosted by Makaia Carr and Julia & Libby. I SO wanted to go but with Dave away and Mum up north I was a bit stuck. E dislocated and broke his toe in a rugby tourney on Thursday (read, we were at the ER until midnight on Thursday night, sigh) so was a bit hobbly and precious and Nixon, well, usual state of affairs there – chaos.

So, I did the unthinkable for me. I asked for help. I find this so hard to do. I sat on the texts for ages, willing myself to hit send and when I finally did the first reply was a negative. Wahhhhh! I tried again and success. Nixon was all set to spend the morning with his cousin and Ethan was off to nerd out at a friends house.

It was a swift morning hustle, the usual morning routine combined with me trying to look presentable and depart the house by 9.15. On a Sunday. We did it without any kid/mummy rage and I headed east to dispatch Child #1 and then south to deliver Nixon.

When I finally got on the motorway I was overcome with IT, a sickening case of Mummy Guilt. Why had I said yes to attending? Why had I rushed the kids out of the house on a Sunday? Why had I bothered running in 3 different directions when we could be all together, cozy and relaxing? Major fretting ensued, then I woke up and gave myself a good mental slap.

I said yes to Mak’s invite because I knew I needed to go. Catching some fleeting time by yourself when your partner is away is hard. Even the drive to the event was relaxing without the boys yelling and screaming in the car! I had rushed the kids out of the house because we all needed to get out of the house – without making the beds, with dirty dishes on the bench and with laundry on the floor. We/I needed to say, who cares? I dropped the kids off with two different people because I asked for help. And that was totally ok.

I know it was ok because when people ask me for help (and they do ALL the time, every day) I say yes. I don’t think twice I just say yes. You know that old adage, “it takes a village”? Well it does, and I need to remember to knock on more doors in my village and say “please, my turn. Can you help?”.

If you liked this post, LIKE this post on FB too! (I’ll love you forever xx)

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